Luxon Seen Buying Thai Sweet Chilli Doritos While Covered in Dorito Dust
“It’s boosting the economy”
Local News
All the latest fictional developments from the Herald satire desk, written for entertainment.
Massey Researchers Add "Palmerston North Doesn't Get It" To Official Definition Of Satire
"Symptoms include angry Facebook comments."
Council Installs Fifth Cone To Protect Existing Four Cones
Council says the cones are protecting critical roadworks but declined to specify which roadworks.
Wellington Paranormal Spin Off Set To Start Filming In Palmerston North
A new paranormal police mockumentary will reportedly begin filming in Palmerston North, after producers realised the city already had “a deep, unsettling energy” without needing any special effects.
Mayor Gets Stuck In Sousaphone After Council Game Of Catch Goes Wrong
“Councillor Bowen has a strong throw”
“I Thought It’d Never Happen”: Higgins Seals Road Before Everyone Gives Up Hope
Local residents stunned after roadworks conclude before becoming a permanent cultural landmark.
Mayor Announces Bold Plan To Fix Palmerston North By Waiting Quietly Until Everyone Forgets
Council confirms the strategy has already survived three election cycles, two consultation periods, and one very determined man with a clipboard.
NZDF Rebrands Linton As “The Nice Part Of Palmerston North” After Recruitment Numbers Collapse
Defence officials say the new campaign will focus less on discipline, service, and national pride, and more on the fact that technically Linton is not Palmerston North
Palmerston North To Be Renamed "Hamilton 2.0"
“Our two cities have a lot in common,” says council, citing concrete, confusion, and a shared commitment to making visitors say ‘oh.’
Harold The Giraffe Announces Campaign For MP Of Palmerston North
Beloved Life Education icon promises “fresh leadership, longer vision, and fewer vaping children behind the Plaza.”
Kelvin Grove Cemetery Offering "Early Check In" Plan, Insists It's "Just Being Efficient"
New programme allows residents to reserve a plot, select their preferred headstone and begin receiving cemetery newsletters decades before they are expected to need them.
Palmerston North Airport To Become International Airport. Only Destination Pyongyang International Airport
Mayor says the new route will finally connect Palmerston North with another city known for grey skies, monumental architecture and limited entertainment options.
"It needs to go": NZDF ordered to “Remove” Palmerston North
NZDF ordered to “remove” Palmerston North after officials conclude city has caused enough suffering
Freaky Cow Won't Stop Harassing Passers By. Farmer Urged To Host BBQ
Local livestock nuisance escalates after witnesses report “unwanted tongue-based contact” near rural fence line.
“It Just Sounds Better”: Victoria Esplanade to Be Renamed “Seymour Gardens of Awesomeness”
Local park reportedly rebranded after officials conclude “Victoria Esplanade” lacks sufficient levels of personal branding and raw awesomeness.
Dunedin Herald acknowledge existence of PN Herald
The famous publication, The Dunedin Herald, has published a story saying our "notoriously s*** cities have finally got something to look forward to."
Palmy Bus Drivers Treat Red Lights As Suggestions
A study in Palmerston North has found 88% of the city's bus drivers can not drive.
Palmerston North local learns how to spell “Palmerston North”
A Palmerston North resident has made what locals are calling a “major personal breakthrough” after successfully spelling the city’s name without relying on "Palmy"