Palmerston North City Council has announced a bold new rebrand this week, confirming the city will soon be renamed Hamilton 2.0 in an effort to better reflect its “spiritual, architectural, and emotional alignment” with the Waikato’s most famously beige urban centre.
The decision follows a six-month consultation process in which residents were asked whether they felt Palmerston North had a clear identity. The overwhelming response was reportedly, “kind of, but not in a way that sounds good on a brochure.”
Council officials say the new name recognises the “deep cultural bond” between the two cities, including their flatness, their confusing one-way streets, their suspiciously large number of empty office buildings, and the fact that both are often described by outsiders as “actually not that bad once you get used to it.”
“Palmerston North and Hamilton have always shared a special connection,” said a council spokesperson. “Both cities have rivers that people point at during tours, universities that keep the place alive, and central business districts that feel like they were designed by someone who had heard of fun but never personally experienced it.”
The rebrand will see The Square renamed The Smaller Garden Place, while the Manawatū River will be officially upgraded to The Waikato River Demo Version.
City planners have also proposed installing several roundabouts at random intervals to ensure the Hamilton experience is as authentic as possible. Council has confirmed these roundabouts will not improve traffic flow, but will “add a sense of regional familiarity.”
Local reaction has been mixed.
“I think it’s great,” said one resident, standing outside a building that looked like it was either a council office, a dentist, or a low-security government archive. “At least Hamilton has a reputation. We mostly just have wind, Massey, and people asking why the Plaza looks like that.”
Others have been less enthusiastic.
“We are not Hamilton,” said one outraged local. “Hamilton has the Chiefs, a river people actually talk about, and slightly more confidence. We have a clock tower and the emotional energy of a closed Farmers.”
Hamilton City Council has reportedly welcomed the announcement, saying it was “flattering but also legally confusing.”
“We support Palmerston North’s right to identify as Hamilton-adjacent,” said a Hamilton representative. “But we do want to make it clear that Hamilton 2.0 does not include access to our river, our gardens, or our highly developed sense of being unfairly mocked by Aucklanders.”
As part of the transition, new welcome signs will be installed on the outskirts of the city reading: “Welcome to Hamilton 2.0: Like Hamilton, but with more wind and fewer people pretending to like rugby league.”
Council says the rebrand is expected to cost $4.7 million, mostly spent on consultants, signage, and a 90-page brand strategy document titled Becoming Slightly More Like Somewhere Else.
When asked whether residents could vote on the change, council confirmed public feedback would be “carefully received, acknowledged, printed out, filed, and then ignored in accordance with standard procedure.”
The name change is expected to take effect later this year, once officials decide whether Feilding will be renamed Cambridge Lite or Hamilton DLC.